I answered the call
And then spent almost 10 years wondering why my business wasn't working.
When I realized I was the one standing in my own way, I immersed myself in personal development to 'fix it'.
Therapy. Modalities. Courses.
Still, my business still wasn't working.
The Real story
I should have been excited
I was terrified.
What if I couldn't help them?
The more people trusted me, the more I doubted myself.
I started sabotaging my business.
Deleting social media platforms.
Referring clients to other practitioners.
In one desperate moment, I even asked the universe to stop sending me people.
What kind of a coach asks the universe to stop sending clients?
Who builds a business they've dreamed of and spends years sabotaging it?
I wasn't afraid people wouldn't hire me.
I was afraid they would.
Wasn't I the Common Denominator?
I was convinced something was wrong with me.
So I got more training:
Positive Psychology.
Reiki.
RTT Hypnotherapy.
I worked with therapists and counsellors.
Explored new modalities.
Hired business coaches.
I thought I was one course away from fixing my business.
And fixing myself.
Years passed.
Nothing in my business improved.
I Misunderstood My Calling
I thought I had to become the kind of coach that was expected.
Someone with a niche.
A signature modality.
Healing sessions.
A polished offer.
But none of it felt like me.
I Stopped Trying To Be Who I Thought I Had To Be
Anyone who's answered a calling knows it doesn't arrive with a cozy, clear map.
It asks you to let go before you know what's next.
It asks you to sit in the dark longer than you want.
It asks you to find your worth from the inside.
It asks you to stop being who you think you should be.
Clarity After 10 Years
That's where I found myself.
I stopped trying to do it 'right.'
I stopped trying to offer sessions I thought I had to.
For a year I let everything go.
In the silence I finally heard it.
This journey of nearly 10 years had been pointing me to the same place.
Not another certification.
Not another way to fix myself.
Integration.
The space where insight becomes embodied.
The missing chapter after therapy.
The work I had been living all along this journey.
I just had to stop becoming who I thought I needed to before I could finally see it.